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09/01/21(Wed)08:44:11 No.42278
>>42289
>>42311
>>42889

Shared:
hentai
how do you become mentally stronger?
>>42278

become desensitized to everything like a doctor who acts like a butcher
>>42278

No clue, but I'm trying to go cold turkey on jacking off to potentially eliminate the temptation. It's not really working; I've broken my old record but the temptation is becoming unbearable.
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By fucking a horse
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>>42312

Update: It's been about 22 days since I started, and I feel empty inside. The temptation isn't as difficult as before, but the desire to feel good for just a moment weighs on me a lot. Often I'd jack off just to fantasize about what it would feel like if a woman saw me as valuable, so not doing that has made me feel more lonely than normal, which was already pretty dang lonely. Also doesn't help that the friend of the RA on my dorm floor keeps inviting him and some girls over to the lounge to cook up a bunch of noodles at around midnight, and often bangs one of them in his room afterwards. Either way, I might've been fine if I was good at focusing on schoolwork or making friends, but I'm not so life just kinda sucks right now.
Let the puzzle stuff back at home so I can't even add more pieces for when you guys do solve the first two puzzles.
. At least I can appreciate that I've finally gone 3 weeks without feeding my addiction since I started jacking off when I was
10
.

Thank you for reading my blog. As consolation, here's a funny screenshot I took from my online textbook.
>>42631

22 days is no joke, I'm impressed. thanks for update!
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By watch thomas the tank engine
>>42631

Congratulations.
That pic is true btw.
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>>42317

You sir are a gentlemen and a scholar.
>>42278

This thing is supposed to be the size of a desk ornament right? The lights are throwing me off and making me think its twice the size of a man. But there are also binders behind it. So how big is it really?
>>42633

It’s been over 30 days, and I feel even worse. I’ve just become hollow and even more unmotivated. Maybe I would’ve been better off not going down this path...
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Avatar, the last Dickbender
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Thought I’d post an update since it’s been 45 days, and it has come to my attention that 90 days is some kind of major milestone for this kind of thing:
Nothing has changed. I’ve been sleeping 12+ hours and I can’t even think about my schoolwork anymore. At least I’m still a B average at worst, so there’s at least some room for mild degeneration in grades if it gets really bad.
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Day sixty... Day... Sixty...
Does anyone actually care about this? I just assumed that people cared after people responded to the first update.
Ether way, things have gotten a bit better; haven't thought about it as much as before, but my mental state isn't much better.
>>45359

would you say its worth it for anyone looking to try it out?
anyways you're 2/3rds of the way to 90 days.
>>45458

I guess? I haven't noticed any positive effects, but then again, everything I try that's supposed to improve my life (exercise, eating right, getting a job, going to college, etc.) doesn't make me any stronger after months of work, and I eventually just fall back into my old habits regardless of how long I go, you I'm not the best source of anecdotal evidence. Generally speaking, relying on a form of happiness not brought on by passion for one's work or from the positive interactions with the people around you is probably not a good thing to stick with.
If you've never done it before or haven't gone more than a week, it would probably be a good idea to just use No Nut November as a starting point and determine your goals from there, especially since you'll start at the same time as other people and can get incite and somewhat of a shared experience with people online.
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Tomorrow it will have been 150 days since I stopped jacking off (posting now since I will be traveling back to college). My mind still remains unchanged and heavily distracted. I've spent the past two months trying to figure out meditation, using online information and whatnot, and it has hardly helped me in moving forward. The main issue is not that I want to jerk off, it's that having a female companion is the only thing that gives me hope in life, and nothing that I've considered, whether that be through hobbies, work, or literature/religion, has gotten me to believe in something else. I thought meditation who at least help me find something else, or at least some amount of peace, since everyone recommends it, but it hasn't.

I barely managed to get through school with this, and now I have actually rigorous courses I need to take. There's no way in my mind I'll be able to get through them all this semester (had to drop down to 3 courses last semester because sex/women in general remains the only thing in my mind, not even hobbies, probably can't do that this semester). Hope I somewhat manage, even if not for that long. Maybe I'll get to a point where I'll either be content with killing myself or I won't have to deal with these issues.

I want to go back to jacking off, since cooming actually made me so much more competent than I am now, but I'm terrified of the implication of breaking my 150 day streak.
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Update:
It has been six months since I've begun my endeavor. Nothing has changes, so I'm hoping I'll be able to also restrict my video game/internet addiction. Don't know how it will go, but I'll probably give up as much as I can in a week.
>>53767

why are you still going through with it?
>>53778

Idk, me like high score and am not good at doing actually important things like schoolwork and work.
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Day 227 (only an hour or so away from 228):
I think I've finally hit my breaking point.
I've gone months without using this coping mechanism, and not only has it not made me any more successful with women, but it has effectively turned me into a sex-crazed creature that can barely carry any normal thoughts anymore. I hardly even do anything when I could instead be jacking off; instead of doing it, I just lie in bed, listen to some chill jazz and just stare at the ceiling for (sometimes) hours on end.

The main thing that instigated the thoughts was that I was talking with some guys on /adv/ about escorts and how easy they are to get. After doing some research, while I was disappointed that most massage parlors near my actual house don't offer any "special services," the prospect of going downtown to get one was enough to fill me with more happiness and excitement than I've felt in months (and I do mean excitement AND happiness, not just excitement). Later on I had a dream that I broke the pact, and while I didn't really feel the stimulus of orgasm in the dream, having given up the pact felt like such a weight off my chest, which is why I felt kind of crushed when I woke up and found out that I hadn't broken the pact.

These thoughts haven't been just a moment of weakness, though; I've been thinking about how frustrated I've been that I've been adhering to this pact for so long, and yet I've made pretty much no progress in my real-world relationships. While I have made some progress, it doesn't feel like it was because of my abstinence or anxiety; it was just because opportunity was thrown into my lap for the first time in years and I finally took it.

[...]
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[...]

I really thought abstaining would turn me into a better person, but it has become apparent to me that the child abuse that groomed me into jacking off at a young age has done too much long-term damage, and honestly, I think I can finally accept that. I can't even think of a time in the past decade of my life that I have ever been able the accept the damage others and I have inflicted upon myself, so for the first time I can remember, I have finally come to terms with my trauma. Maybe in that way I can see growth within myself.

Probably the worst thing is that I miss caring about things the way I used to.
>I remember when I didn't just wallow in misery on /adv/ hoping that someone on there would give me a silver bullet to my problems.
<I remember when I actually appreciated the cute girls I would see on the internet instead of just tossing them into a folder or the ecchi board as a way of venting my suppressed sexual urges.
>I remember when I didn't force myself to play AR mobile games hoping they would fill the void in my mind that masturbation used to fill.
<I remember when I would actually want to play and appreciate video games of all types instead of just laying in bed, wondering what type of girlfriend I'd end up with, instead of actually making the efforts to get said girlfriend.
>I remember when I would appreciate the little things in life, walking around with whatever game I was play, and just taking in the moment without being constantly obsessed with distracting myself with whatever music would keep my mind off sex.
<I remember when I didn't have to constantly chug down vocaloid songs like alcohol as a way of getting around my abstinence and pretending like I could get through life without my usual coping method, when in reality I was effectively constantly cheating by just staring at fully-clothed girls and trying to be content with that.
[...]
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[...]
>I remember when I actually played video games or listened to music in general instead of forcing them to carry the weight that jacking off used to bear.
<I remember when I could appreciate art in general; when I could appreciate it as something with nuance and color that could flow through my brain like something other than an excuse not to think about railing someone.
>I remember the times when I was creative and was actually interested in doing silly things for others, whether it was making silly Youtube videos/edits that I thought I would want to watch, or some sort of quirky puzzle on Iro for people to solve (whether they did or not)
<I remember when I could just make things for myself instead of having to trick myself into thinking it was to keep me productive instead of just doing it for the fun of it. I miss those times the most...
>I remember when I would sketch/doodle crazy creatures in my free time as a teen, with the hopes that I would eventually put them in a Pokémon knockoff.
<I remember when life didn't feel hollow and empty, as I spent hours getting demoralized by the news when, in reality, the only thing will likely heal most of these issues is time. Me WANTING to be proactive won't actually do anything.
>I remember when things didn't constantly feel like pain, hoping that they wouldn't in the future.
<I remember when I didn't constantly feel bitter and resentful towards everyone around me, even though I knew a lot of my issues were either things I couldn't change or my own fault.
>I remember when I felt like I could still feel hope for the future.
<I remember when I felt more than slightly happy...

...Fuck.
>I remember when I didn't have to constantly worry about getting a boner and having to overcome the pain it caused for me.
<I remember when my balls didn't feel constantly swollen and sensitive!

...Sorry about all that; I just felt like I needed to get a lot of stuff off my chest.

[...]
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[...]

To wrap it up, I'm probably gonna get it over with some time tonight. I thought pain would get me to develop most stoicism, but I think I need to accept that only pain isn't gonna bring me any gain. I hoped it would, but it just won't for some reason. Besides, it seems like what I really needed was just a change of scenery (e.g., be somewhere where my parent's are not).

I don't know what this will mean for me in the weeks to come; I hope I don't fly off the handle and completely give up on school. Hopefully this means I'll stop feeling the need to vent like I did constantly on here and /adv/. Not sure what it will mean for the Iro puzzles, hopefully I'll get back into that and be able to appreciate stuff like actual video games again, but I'll just have to see.

Hopefully, this isn't a dreadful point in the end. That's my greatest fear. Everything is telling me that this experience, while insightful, has just not been the trail I hoped it would be.

Hopefully, my mental state among other factors will finally improve...
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>>56065

i think you should just end this and jack off again, if its brought you this many problems it obviously doesn't work for you
>>bxjp1ly0⇸

>>56125

>>56126

I did, that's the tl;dr.
In retrospect, doing it didn't really accomplish as much as I hoped it would.